ANGER

ANGER

Anger is one of the major components of the lower (animal) instincts with which we are born with. It is one of the normal feelings of an individual. It is an emotion of displeasure.

O, Anger, the source of strife, the person haunted by your presence with in is never recipient of the Lord’s Grace. Infect, who so ever comes under your control, jumps and dances around like a monkey.

Anger is defined by being unable to bear the object, or the intention to cause harm to the object. Anger is also defined as aversion with stronger exaggeration. Anger barks and brings ruin on itself, blindly pursuing useless conflicts.

Degrees/synonyms of anger:

Anger- in general, is strong displeasure.
Rage/fury- implies intense, explosion and destructive emotion
Ire- is a term used in literature as to escape his ire, seeming not too happy.
Wrath- anger seeking vengeance or punishment e.g. Tsunami as a wrath of God.
Resentment- smoldering anger by a sense of grievance.
Indignation- is a righteous anger at some thing wrong, unjust, or evil.

Common contributors to anger are irritability, fatigue, hunger, pain, and sexual frustration. Hormonal changes associated with PMS, menopause and bipolar disorders. It causes the increased production of adrenaline by stimulation of hypothalamus and thus leading to increased heart rate, respiration, and blood pressure. It affects the pupils and speech and some other effects on various organs of the body.

Anger is just another way we feel. It's perfectly OK to be angry at times - in fact, it's important to get angry sometimes. But anger must be released in the right way. Otherwise you'll be like a pot of boiling water with the lid left on with resentment. If the steam doesn't escape, the water will finally boil over and blow its top! When that happens to you, it's no fun for anyone. Anger is the cup, filled with emotional attachment, and egotism is the server.

It is normal to feel disappointed and angry when things do not unfold as we would expect or like, however, holding on to anger over something that occurred in our past can interfere with our present and holding on to anger leads to resentment. And resentment takes up emotional energy and allows negativity to creep into our present relationships and activities.

He alone is pure, who eradicates anger. Never getting angry is impossible. Instead, remember that how you act when you're angry can make the situation better or worse. Don't let anger control you. Take charge of it!

How much more grievous are the consequences of anger than the causes of it. Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. For every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind. He who angers you conquers you. No man can think clearly when his fists are clenched.

Common ineffective strategies for dealing with anger;

We run the risk of holding on to anger when we ineffectively deal with our anger in the present. Unfortunately, many people have not had the opportunity to develop positive and constructive strategies for handling anger. Instead, they turn to ineffective strategies such as:

1. Avoidance- avoiding feelings of anger by not talking about what angers them or trying to push angry thoughts out of their minds.
2. Punishing Others - dealing with anger indirectly through 'punishing' the person they are angry with. Punishment can take many forms such as sulking, holding a grudge, or not talking to the person (silent treatment) or an indirect way by 'getting even'.
3. Attacking - is a direct approach but counter-productive as anger is expressed using an aggressive tone or accusatory remarks.

Prevention of Anger:

Here are some other things you can do when you start to feel angry:

1. Talk to a friend you can trust.
2. Count to 10.
3. Get or give a hug.
4. Stamp your feet.
5. Beat up a pillow because the pillow can't get hurt.
6. Draw a picture of your anger.
7. Play a video game.
8. Run around the outside of the house five times as fast as you can.
9. Sing along with the stereo.
10. Pull weeds in the garden.
11. Think good thoughts (maybe about a fun vacation or your favorite sport).
12. Take a bike ride or go in-line skating.

Coping with Anger:

Anger is probably the most poorly handled emotion in our society. From time to time we all experience this very powerful feeling. Some of the common causes of anger include frustration, hurt, annoyance, disappointment, harassment and threats. It is helpful to realize that anger can be our friend or foe, depending on how we express it. Knowing how to recognize and express it appropriately can help us to reach goals, handle emergencies, solve problems and even protect our health. However, failure to recognize and understand our anger may lead to a variety of problems. Some experts believe that suppressed anger is an underlying cause of both anxiety and depression. Anger that is not expressed can disrupt relationships, affect thinking and behavior patterns, and create a variety of physical problems, such as high blood pressure, heart problems, headaches, skin disorders, and digestive problems. What's even worse is the correlation between the dangers of uncontrolled anger and crime, emotional and physical abuse, and other violent behavior.

Dealing with anger constructively involves communicating our feelings honestly and in a way that will not intentionally hurt the other person.

When there isn't a happy ending...

There are times that even when we use a positive approach to dealing with anger, we may not get the results that we would like. Our positive efforts may not resolve the situation or restore the relationship. Although this may be disappointing, speaking our real feelings can give us the peace of mind that comes from acting true to our self and doing all that we could.

Letting go of anger and moving on:

Letting go of anger is a process that first involves acknowledging that 'if I am not ready…or if I can't do anything... or if I choose not to do anything directly about my anger, then I can work through my anger so that it does not continue to have a hold on me.' When we feel anger, it is stimulated by what we are thinking about at that moment. Usually our thoughts are very provoking such as... 'How could he or she have done this to me?' or 'What a ridiculous decision.' When we work through anger, our goal is to find other interpretations or conclusions so that our feelings of anger will be diminished when we think about the situation.

The process of working through and letting go of anger

1. Begin by playing over the situation from start to finish with the goal of thoroughly understanding what really happened. When we are angry about a situation, our focus is often on one small piece or a "snapshot" of a much larger motion picture. A narrow focus limits our capacity to understand and therefore work through our anger. One way that we can expand our understanding is to talk or write about the situation in detail as though someone other than our self was explaining what went on.

2. Gain further understanding of the situation by asking yourself - "What are my real feelings about this situation?" Anger is an intense emotion. It often overshadows other feelings such as hurt, embarrassment, shame or guilt that we may be experiencing simultaneously. Having any of these feelings in response to something that has occurred in our lives is very normal and natural. There are times when some of the anger that we are experiencing is anger at our self for our mistakes or omissions.

3. Take a very close look at your own involvement - "Is there any way that I may have contributed to this situation?" Intense anger has a way of blinding us from seeing our own mistakes in a situation.

4. Observe weaknesses in yourself and others - one of the givens in life is that we all have strengths and we all have weaknesses. Recognizing the weaknesses of others involved in the incident can assist us in understanding how and why someone said or did something that angered us.

5. Ask yourself -"Is there a way that I can constructively deal with my feelings at this time?"- Even though time has gone by, it can be beneficial to address the situation directly, by honestly and respectfully communicating your feelings to the person involved. It can be very helpful to talk this over with a friend or family member first, for support and for another perspective. Many times dealing directly with the matter is not possible as the person involved is not accessible, may not be receptive or they may no longer be living. We can gain similar benefits by writing down our feelings as though we were talking to the person directly - write a letter but do not send it. Although this will not change the outcome of the situation, it commonly contributes to a sense of completion.

6. Think about how this experience has affected your views about life or people and ask - “Do I need to change my views?"

7. Drawing New Conclusions, The final step requires forgiving (see my article on forgiveness) those who have angered you. By letting go of the resentment and relinquishing the goal of retribution, you'll find the weight of anger lifted from your shoulders. Now that you have taken steps to broaden your understanding of the situation, you are prepared to make different conclusions about the situation, allowing you to let go of anger and move on.

Getting help with letting go: Sometimes situations of anger are not so straightforward or are long standing and may be difficult to sort out on your own. Many people benefit from meeting with a professional counselor to discuss positive strategies for managing anger and for assistance in work.