STEP NINE

Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

We were having trouble with personal relationships, we couldn’t control our emotional natures, we were a prey to misery and depression, we couldn’t make a living, we had a feeling of uselessness, we were full of fear, we were unhappy, we couldn’t seem to be of real help to other people—was not a basic solution of these bedevilments more important? -----B.B., p, 52

A core principle behind the Ninth Step is cleaning up the wreckage of the past. We don't need any old baggage holding back our spiritual growth and personal dual recovery.

Good Judgment, a careful sense of timing, courage, and prudence are the qualities for this step. There will be some, who had to be dealt possibly after confidence has gained about personal sobriety. There will be some whom we can make partial restitution. We always want to go further and admit other defects that had made us hard to live with. We must be sure that we cannot buy the peace of mind at the expense of others. There other issues may make us to procrastinate or make excuses to dodge these issues like; we cannot unload a complete detail of an extramarital adventure on the shoulders of unsuspecting spouse.

This step really scared me but I realized that by admitting my wrongs I was healing myself. Yes, there is a long period of reconstruction ahead. We must take the lead. A remorseful mumbling that we are sorry won’t fill the bill at all. We ought to sit down with the family and frankly analyze.
For the readiness to take full consequences of our past acts, and to take responsibility for the well-beings of others at the same time, is the very spirit of step nine.

Questions, I should ask my self:

1. Did I ever make amends to other persons? How did I feel?
2. Do I find it necessary to develop a plan for when and how I will make amends to the persons on my list?
3. Would I feel better if I reviewed this plan with my sponsor?
4. Which relationship is bothering me the most at this moment?
5. What do I think would say to that person about my behaviors, my feelings if I was free to do so?
6. What is the biggest guilt I have right now? What do I believe I have to do to rid
myself of that guilt?
7. Is it imperative to ask my Higher Power for wisdom and to seek guidance from
my sponsor to avoid injuring the people I plan on making amends to or other
innocent persons?

When amend is being made, it might be helpful to write a self-forgiving note which may help us let go of guilt. It may read: "I accept and love myself. I have taken the responsibility for my behavior with ________________, and I am now free to let the past go. When we want to forgive others, we might write: "I have dealt with my feelings toward ____________, and I have forgiven him or her. I have let go of my feelings toward that person and I allow peace and love to settle in us."

I learned that when I honestly did my part in making an amends, the results were then in God's hands. I was not responsible for people that refuse to accept my apology and I refuse to get involved if they just wanted to argue. Fortunately, this only happened with one person. So my sponsor suggested that I pray for that person's well-being and serenity and know that I did everything possible. Someday, when they are ready, they may remember my amends and find peace over the issue.

The Ninth Step Prayer

“God give me the strength and direction to do the right thing no matter what the consequences may be. Help me to consider others and not harm them in any way. Help me to consult with others before I take any actions that would cause me to be sorry. Help me to not repeat such behaviors. Show me the way of Patience, Tolerance, Kindliness, and Love and help me live the spiritual life. B.B. p, 78-80